Dan Klarman recently referred me to Pharyngulas comment policies. That led me to Pharyngulas High Crimes and Misdemeanors. I think that we have many of these covered in DIs comment policy, but I do agree that all of these behaviors serve to hinder meaningful discussion. I anyone else has good comment policy ideas that theyve seen elsewhere, let me know. I want to have free and open discussion, but I do want to keep the discussion moving and meaningful.
Perhaps more important, let me know what you think about the comments of Karl, who submits comments to this site almost every day. How much access should have have to this site? Unrestrained? Severely edited? How would you handle Karls many comments if you were administering this site? What is fair? How tired are you of Karl? Or do you see his points of view as a valuable foil that drives meaningful conversation?
Here are Pharyngulas High Crimes and Misdemeanors:
Concern trolling A particularly annoying form of trolling in which someone falsely pretends to be offering advice to favor a position they do not endorse; a creationist who masquerades as someone concerned about the arguments for evolution as an excuse to make criticisms.
Godbotting Making an argument based only on the premise that your holy book is sufficient authority; citing lots of bible verses as if they were persuasive.
Insipidity A great crime. Being tedious, repetitive, and completely boring; putting the blogger to sleep by going on and on about the same thing all the time.
Morphing Changing pseudonyms to avoid killfiles.
Slagging Making only disparaging comments about a group; while some of this is understandable, if your only contribution is consistently X is bad, even in threads that arent about X, then youre simply slagging, not discussing.
Sockpuppetry Like morphing, but with a specific intent: creating multiple identities supporting a position to create a false impression of popularity
Spamming Using the comments to sell real estate, mortgage assessments, little blue pills, porn, or Russian mail-order brides. Spammers are not tolerated at all; they are expunged without comment.
Stupidity Some people will just stun you with the outrageous foolishness of their comments; those who seem to say nothing but stupid things get the axe.
Trolling Making comments intended only to disrupt a thread and incite flames and confusion.
Wanking Making self-congratulary comments intended only to give an impression of your importance or intelligence.

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I am quite new at this and I dont know what am I supposed to say. I am sure that not everything because than you would lose your interest in me. I am a little shy, a little curious, a little cheeky, sometimes a bit stubborn and sweet at the same time.What else is there to say? A lot but I want to let you see for yourself without my help. I am looking for someone to like me for who I am not for my looks. I want someone that is sweet and tough at the same time, smart, funny, gentle, patient, understanding and rebel.I dont know if I am asking too much or not but I must try my luck.

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Several years ago, Satoshi Kanazawa, then a psychologist at the University of Canterbury in Christchurch, New Zealand, analyzed a biographical database of 280 great scientists--mathematicians, physicists, chemists, and biologists. When he calculated the age of each scientist at the peak of his career--the sample was predominantly male--Kanazawa noted an interesting trend. After a crest during the third decade of life, scientific productivity--as evidenced by major discoveries and publications--fell off dramatically with age. When he looked at the marital history of the sample, he found that the decline in productivity was less severe among men who had never been married. As a group, unmarried scientists continued to achieve well into their late 50s, and their rates of decline were slower.
"The productivity of male scientists tends to drop right after marriage," says Kanazawa in an e-mail interview from his current office at the London School of Economics and Political Science in the United Kingdom. "Scientists tend to 'desist' from scientific research upon marriage, just like criminals desist from crime upon marriage."
Kanazawa's perhaps controversial perspective is that of an evolutionary psychologist. "Men conduct scientific research (or do anything else) in order to attract women and get married (albeit unconsciously)," he says. "What's the point of doing science (or anything else) if one is already married? Marriage (or, more accurately reproductive success, which men can usually attain only through marriage) is the goal; science or anything else men do is but a means. From my perspective, scientists are no different than anybody else; evolutionary psychology applies to all humans equally," he adds.
The Marriage Toll on Women
Marriage has also been shown to have an adverse impact on the careers of female scientists. Data from the National Science Foundation show that female, doctoral-level scientists, and engineers are less likely to be married than are their male counterparts (66% versus 83%). Among those married, however, women are more likely to confront problems accommodating a two-career marriage--one reason being that they are twice as likely as men to have a spouse who works full-time.
Add children to the mix, and the problem is compounded. Research by Kimberlee Shauman, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of California, Davis, found that time off for birth and child rearing poses a significant, often irreversible, impediment to a woman's career.
Marriages That Enhance Careers
Is marriage truly and inevitably a scourge for male and female scientists? Or can it help advance scientific careers? To hear some real-world viewpoints on the impact of marriage on a science career, I raised the issue on the ScienceCareers Forum.
Several forum contributors saw marriage as a source of emotional and financial stability rather than a dangerous undertow. David, a molecular biologist, met his wife while both were in graduate school. Now married for 6 years, David "wouldn't change anything. I cannot even imagine trying to get through all that I (we) have without her as a partner."
"Having a working spouse in graduate school or as a postdoc can be a tremendous advantage since you're no longer trying to make do on the single, low-level salary," says Rich, an engineer. "In my case, it's also helped that I've been very good at making sure my career is part of my life--and not the other way around."
"I'm a final year Ph.D. student," says another. "We both are in medical research, and she's got a master's degree and believe me, it helps to be married. We both don't have enough money, but there's a lot of happiness as each day is exciting, a great future to think about."
Kristen married her closest colleague 6 months before completing her dissertation and is satisfied with what she calls her "in-lab" and "at-home" collaboration. "One major advantage is that we are both scientists, in a similar field of research, and we understand the drive and passion that is part of the profession. Having someone who understands you and supports you wholeheartedly is a great asset through grad school, the postdoc years, and beyond."
Last month, when I attended a writers' conference in New York, one of the speakers was Sreenath Sreenivasan, an assistant professor and dean of students at the Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism. A scene he described from his marriage evoked a vivid image in my mind. He was sitting against his pillow in bed with his laptop in hand. His busy, multitasking wife (a management consultant and mother of twin toddlers) was also working on a laptop, seated right beside him. The two were tending electronically to their demanding jobs, but they were also instant messaging each other, obviously on the same emotional "bandwidth" in their devotion to both career and marriage.
Marriages That Fall Apart
Some marriages aren't strong enough to withstand the strains of a scientific career. "I was always hoping it would get better--after graduation, after the postdoc, after tenure," says Chris, a second-year postdoc in Canada. "Unfortunately, nothing improved. If anything, it got worse (more committees, more conferences, more papers, more students, more grants, more reviews, and more frustration). I would say if you are the scientist, yes, get married. If you are the scientist's partner, think long and hard if you can live with that in your relationship," he says.
Rewton, a tenured associate professor with a 9-year-old child, couldn't agree more about the personal challenges posed by a scientific career. "The balance of work and home life has always been an issue in our marriage. There is a certain scientific culture that is difficult to relate to for a non-scientist," he says. "It was a more serious issue earlier in my career when I was jockeying for faculty jobs, etc., but it is still an issue."
"I was married to a fellow scientist, but the relationship deteriorated after I got a faculty position (and he didn't). My new job forced us into a long-distance marriage (300 miles) which didn't survive," says Elizabeth.
Nasif, the principal in a Mexico-based organization called Biology Cabinet, recounts that over 30 years of marriage, his wife was jealous of the time he devoted to his career. As his work continued to increase, she became bitter and finally left. He doesn't blame her. "What bothers our wives is neglect. Buy her a rose bouquet each week, when you purchase scientific supplies for yourself like a book, a microscope, a Petri dish, etc."
Marriages That Never Happen
Many scientists complain that the very nature of a science career limits opportunities to find a partner. "Much of science is disproportionately male," says Chad, an engineering trainee. "There were weeks during graduate school where I literally did not speak to a female. I also remember attending parties of 50 people or more, yet you could count the women on one hand; all of whom were taken."
"The moving-around issue is a huge problem," he adds. "Even if I found my dream girl, which is unlikely given the intense workload, why would she be interested? Fewer things are a bigger downer than telling a date that you'll be moving to a distant place in the near future."
"To be honest, I was one of those people who put everything on hold through my scientific career," says Os. "However, I wouldn't suggest others do this because meeting people and starting relationships just gets harder."
"It's like Noah's Ark, and you've missed the great pairing up," says Kelly.
According to a recent article in the German newspaper Die Zeit, it's not only finding a partner but also starting a family that is made more difficult by a scientific career. The article reported on a study of scientists ranging from doctoral students to assistant professors. It found that a whopping 73% of 37- to 42-year-olds had no children. Explaining the phenomenon, the article noted that it is so difficult for scientists to find a permanent position in Germany that those below the age of 40 are often forced to take short-term employment without any financial or residential stability.
Making It Work
Unfortunately, the academic climate often exacerbates the problems inherent in scientist marriages. "The situation of young families can be especially problematic given the long road (from undergraduate to graduate to postdoc to junior scientist) that certainly extends through a woman's fertile years," says a postdoc, who is also a parent of a young child. "The Whitehead Institute, Caltech, and Stanford have made steps in the right direction, but the current training environment is not 'family-friendly', " he adds.
This postdoc then rattles off his wish list: more liberal leave programs that allow graduate students and postdocs time off; small grants to hire technical or institutional support staff to help manage experiments when a sick baby has to be picked up from daycare; assistance in defraying the costs of childcare; loan assistance for postdocs; options for part-time work; and comprehensive administrative, financial, and legal assistance.
Other trainees note that juggling science and marriage often requires sacrifice as well as flexibility: giving up a job opportunity to allow a partner to remain in his or her lab, missing a family event to keynote a conference, or being late for work because of taking care of a sick child, for instance. "In a perfect world, you could have it all, never sacrificing anything for either marriage or career," says Liz. "The world isn't perfect. Is it worth it? Every minute."
"Sacrifice is a two-way street. Sometimes you sacrifice time in the lab to spend with a girlfriend or a wife, but I can tell you it's well worth it. In the end, when your friends get married and have their own families, your parents pass away, and families move apart and you grow older, your gel box isn't going to be there for you on the holidays and those moments when you need someone for support," says Bob. "Really, what's the point of discovering the greatest thing in the world if you have no one to tell it to when you come home?"
ScienceCarriers.

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I found a written testimony of another American who feels towards our useless government as I do. Do you agree with her? I know its long but its a good read.
I Am Angry
by Susan Fassanella
The Honorable Ron Paul’s piece on why Americans are angry really stirred me to respond. Mr. Paul’s piece speaks about many issues facing Americans today.
I am a 51-year-old woman. I have been married to the same man since 1976. I am the secretary/office manager for a small legal firm in the D.C. suburbs. My husband manages a wine and spirits store. I have two sons, aged 26 and 22. After realizing it wasn’t possible to support themselves and the government at the same time, both returned to the nuclear nest. Along with most people in my economic situation, I believe I am living what is supposed to be the American dream. I know why I am an angry American. I am frightened because America isn’t the same country it was when I was my children’s age. Allow me to share with you some of the reasons why I am an angry American.
I am angry because my government has been taken over by liars, thieves, thugs, deviants, and micromanagers. The propaganda it produces rivals that of the most fascist dictatorship.
I am angry that my government perceives my intelligence to be that of a jar of pickles incapable of making the smallest decision.
I am angry that my government takes it upon itself to shove its clucking nose into my pantry, medicine chest, bedroom, family room, doctor’s office, workplace, and everywhere else it thinks I need guidance to keep me safe from myself.
I am angry that the will of the American people is ignored on every issue imaginable. If voting really mattered, it would have been outlawed long ago.
I am angry that I am called a conspiracy theorist because I dare to think on my own and question authority and its lies.
I am angry that the more I read about 9-11 the more it looks like an inside job that was allowed to happen, enabling the Patriot Act to be conveniently enacted into law with the ensuing war on terrah following closely on its heels.
I am angry that the evil puppets in power think laws are created for the peon masses and it is their right to ignore the ones that get in the way of their agenda.
I am angry that the media has sold its soul to the evil forces running the world.
I am angry that my have taken to calling my country the It reeks of socialism.
I am angry that my government has invaded yet another sovereign nation and caused untold death and destruction based on a flimsy lie. I am expected to believe that weapons of mass destruction threatened my freedom and then I am told several years and billions of squandered dollars later that a massive intelligence network got the wrong information. A select group of businesses profit enormously from war. When Bush announced his intention to save Iraq from itself and that its oil would pay for the overthrow of Hussein, I laughed so hard I nearly choked. I remember the instability in the Middle East during the 1970s and the gas that followed. I knew which direction gas prices would go. How stupid does Mr. Bush and his cronies think I am?
I am angry that the world stands silently by while my government bombs foreign lands with weapons containing depleted uranium and the news magazines wonder on their front covers why lung cancer has increased six-fold in the last year.
I am angry that Americans accept as gospel the propaganda that is routinely cranked out of the Washington lie machine. The lies become more transparent and brazen with each passing year, yet the only thing that seems to matter in living rooms across America is who will be the next American Idol.
I am angry that I am punished with high energy and gas prices and the resulting inflation because tree-hugging terrorists masquerading as environmentalists have handcuffed my country’s ability to produce its own energy. It would be easy to tell the Middle East what to do with their oil if restrictions on exploration and production were lifted in our own backyard.
I am angry that I am constantly admonished by minimalists for being a greedy consumer because I live where I choose, drive the vehicle of my choice, eat meat, and use tin foil to cover my leftovers.
I am angry that my life doesn’t belong to me anymore.
I am angry that I am required to obtain permission, fill out mandated paperwork in quadruplicate, and obtain the correct license or permit for just about everything imaginable. The tentacles of government are strangling my freedom, choice, and privacy at an alarming rate. The wrath of the machine is a constant threat should I dare do anything without leaving a neon paper trail and of course ignorance of the law is never an excuse.
I am angry that property rights are a thing of the past thanks to court-approved eminent domain theft.
I am angry that the Constitution is routinely declared irrelevant making it easier for a fascist police state and new world order to take over.
I am angry that legislation is in the works that will require me to carry to who I am. Another coming law I will ignore.
I am angry that my right to own and carry a firearm is drastically regulated and restricted.
I am angry every time I see a young person detained on the side of the road while cops paw through their possessions looking for anything that could enable them to be arrested and dragged through the criminal justice system. This has become so commonplace it is now the accepted norm.
I am angry that roadblocks are set up under the guise of keeping roads free of drunk drivers. What has happened to my right to travel freely? Why am I presumed guilty without probable cause? I am afraid to have a few drinks when I go out to dinner for fear I will be pulled over and end up in court-ordered drug rehabilitation.
I am angry when I read stories of Americans terrorized in airports and treated like common criminals by government minions after they have paid for the right to travel within a private system, yet pilots are blocked from carrying firearms.
I am angry that America has become a nation of busybodies. We are constantly bombarded with messages to be on the lookout for terrorists around every corner, report suspicious activity, and rat on our neighbor whenever the opportunity presents itself. Is this not how the Nazis gained control of Germany and then most of Europe?
I am angry that the government requires me to sign a form every time I purchase a prescription. Whose business is it that I choose to take a thyroid medication, an antibiotic, a painkiller, an appetite suppressant, or any other substance? Am I dying of cancer? Am I facing debilitating chronic pain? Do I simply want to get HIGH? Heaven forbid someone out there might get their hands on something that might make them FEEL GOOD! No substance should be illegal or unobtainable. If a person wishes to self-medicate, that is their right. The government should not be in the business of criminalizing personal choices of any kind as long as those choices don’t infringe on another’s rights.
I am angry that my government meddles in the lives of people all over the world but looks the other way on the catastrophic issue of what to do about the millions of illegals who have crashed the gates of this nation. My country’s laws are ignored and mocked, yet I am told I must accept with open arms those who are here illegally. My taxes are used to educate their children in their native language. Hospitals are overrun with indigent people seeking medical care. Untaxed dollars earned in the underground economy are sent to the family back home while social services here are stretched to the limit. I read job want ads stating if you aren’t bilingual don’t bother to apply. What would happen to me if I placed an ad that said don’t bother to apply if your English isn’t understandable? Marches are conducted in my cities’ streets waving their countries’ flags as they shamelessly demand their I am told they deserve the same opportunities that brought my forefathers
here. I am scolded that it is un-American to ask why they are not sent home. I am told that the term illegal alien offends them and that they prefer to be called undocumented workers and that my economy would die without them. I will happily pay more for fruits and vegetables if it means enforcing sensible immigration laws. But immigration isn’t about the cost of lettuce. It is another facet of an agenda that is bent on changing the face of America. When America is no longer a wealthy country of white European descent, it will be a place worse than anything Orwell could have imagined.
I am angry that my country is the only nation on earth who declares that a baby born on its soil is automatically an American citizen.
I am angry that the thugs that run my country don’t have the guts to declare English my nation’s official language.
I am angry that I have to search a package for English and push a button on every telephone system and ATM machine to continue in English.
I am angry that Washington, D.C.’s Metro is now being pressured to replace every station sign with bilingual verbiage to the tune of millions of dollars. Are bilingual road signs going to be the next mandated law of the land? I am currently forced to pay for voting ballots printed in 15 different languages and my tax dollars pay for interpreter services for people who are summoned to court for breaking laws. If English is the international language of the world, why isn’t it good enough to be the official language of the United States?
I am angry when I am told I am a bigot when I thumb my nose at political correctness.
I am angry when I wonder whether an expressed belief or opinion could land me in litigation if someone doesn’t like what I said and wants to silence my voice.
I am angry that diversity and sensitivity training is being forced on people whose only crime is to dare to speak freely.
I am angry that the symbols, customs, and roots of my Judeo-Christian country are being systematically outlawed because my culture offends newcomers. When we freely choose to go somewhere, are we not accepting the customs and cultures of that place? I am weary of being made to feel guilty for being an American.
And finally, I am angry that after working my entire adult life, I don’t see retirement in my life’s picture. My husband and I earn over a hundred thousand dollars a year, but by the time we pay federal taxes, state taxes, social security taxes, property taxes, sales taxes, excise taxes, energy taxes, telecommunication taxes, savings taxes, fees, permits, etc., there isn’t much left. But please don’t think that I mind supporting every deadbeat and down-and-outer with his hand out for a piece of my pie that I worked so hard for. I love supporting the world. After all, it’s the American way, isn’t it.

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hi, it's Aaliyah. I have not had the chance to meet many people since I am fairly new here, I would like to have fun and make new friends or possibly more. I would rather see a play then watch a movie, watch a movie over TV, be at the game than watch it on TV, forgive and forget than hold a grudge, stop and smell the flowers than rush, see the sun set rather than rise. I come from a family with four members.
Watch all hot women of Norwalk.

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London, Nov 20: Two failed marriages, and Heather Mills has vouched "never" to taste it again.
The 38-year-old ex-model has declared she will never marry again following her divorce with Sir Paul McCartney.
Mills was alleged to be having a fling with her personal trainer Ben Amigoni, but she told a US TV program that gossips concerning this are "totally made-up," as she has no "lover" at present.
"I'm a good mother, I'm a good person. I fell in love for the right reason. I fell in love unconditionally," The Daily Mail quoted her, as saying.
"I haven't got a lover. At the moment, I'm focusing on my daughter. It's totally made up!" she added.
Asked if she would ever marry again, she said: "Never."
She denied suggestions she was a gold digger, saying: "Eighty-five percent of my income goes to my charity. The word gold digger doesn't go with that. If I was a gold digger, I would have a lot of money in my bank account...I'd be worth millions and millions." (ANI)
Before You Remarry: A Guide to Successful Remarriage
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By: Michael Lee

You can either bump your head against the wall trying to think of the best ways to captivate a man, or you could simply apply any of the top 10 ways to attract a guy in this article.

These methods are not necessarily breakthrough information, but they have been proven to work with any type of men.

Tip # 1

There is probably nothing that attracts a guy towards a girl more than her genuine self. Therefore, girls need to learn how to be confident of their looks and overall self-image.

Most importantly, girls must never try to pretend to be someone else just to try and impress a guy. After all, most guys can see through a girl if she's being genuine or not. And guys dislike their girls who try to wear another image since it reflects low self-esteem and insecurity.

Tip # 2

Appreciate a guy. As much as women spend time fixing herself or getting dressed, men also dedicate a substantial amount of time getting fixed.

Therefore, girls must try to be vocal about giving guys a compliment. You can either do it in a straightforward or playful manner. But still, knowing how to appreciate a man is one of the top 10 ways to attract a guy.

Tip # 3

In connection to the tip above, women must not try to overdo themselves when dressing up.

It is okay to take good care of your looks, but guys are turned off when women pay more attention to their looks than on their guy companion. As long as you're presentable and clean, guys are fine with that.

Tip # 4

Produce a positive vibe. When you are a happy person, it is easy to spread that happiness onto the people around you. And if you can do that to a guy, then he'd love to be around you more often.

Tip # 5

Laugh at his jokes. This might seem trivial, but having a sense of humor and learning how to laugh together is one of the foundations to building a relationship; hence, this is one of the top 10 ways to attract a guy.

It ensures that you both are able to appreciate the brighter side of life and take things lightly from time to time.

Tip # 6

Use flirting body language. Sometimes, your gestures tell more about your feelings and intentions than words. Therefore, learn how to effectively send signals to a guy that you find him attractive and want to get to know better.

Tip # 7

Make eye contact. Your eyes can say a lot. And exchanging meaningful glances are one of the most effective ways to lure a guy towards you.

Tip # 8

When you spot a guy you like at a party, try to get close to him. Aside from sending out the message that you are attracted, it also shows how comfortable you are about yourself.

Tip # 9

Develop a fun and vibrant personality. With a personality such as this, it is easy for you to stand out in a crowd and enable guys to notice you.

Tip # 10

Be interested in the guy. Despite all the physical attraction, you should show interest in getting to know more about him.

Follow the top 10 ways to attract a guy in this article, and youll be captivating the man of your dreams in no time.

For more online dating tips and free internet adult dating guide please visit http://www.onlinedatingsite.com.

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here; The transcript is listed below.
Transcript of video provided by Memri TV:
Following are excerpts from a show featuring Egyptian cleric Amin Al-Ansari, which aired on Al-Rahma TV on January 26, 2009.
Warning: The show contains extremely disturbing Holocaust footage.
Amin Al-Ansari: Let us examine the civil strife the Jews have caused throughout the world. Of course, we know what problems they caused the Muslims. They have always been like that, but in modern times, they only turned to the Muslims [relatively] late. They went around the world – to the East and West – because they love money, and the West was full of money – in England, France, Germany, and of course, in America, which was still a new country. This was 200 years ago. They focused on these places, and this is why they have spread in America and control the money. They immigrate to any place where there was money.
The Jews spread corruption in the land during World Wars I and II. Let me tell you a very short story, so that you understand their way of thinking. The Jews do not know how to climb from the bottom up. They do not want to meet poor people, and then climb up, in order to reach the rulers of any country. Instead, they go straight to the rulers.
In the 19th century, there was a man called Herzl, who was a scientist and had nothing to do with politics. What did this Theodor Herzl do? He used explosives to invent a weapon. He could have invented anything else – something that would benefit the world – but no, he had to invent explosives, bombs, and missiles. Annihilation underlies their ideology. This Theodor Herzl looked for the most powerful country in the world back then. It was England, which was occupying India, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Egypt, and so on. So he became close to the British prime minister, and said to him: I’ve invented something that could benefit you in your colonialist wars.
Balfour promised them a state for the Jews in the land of Palestine. So the Jews began channeling all their loyalty and support to England. They began traveling all over the world in support of England. What did they do? They waged World War I, and tried to crush all the forces that were fighting England, such as Germany and other countries. They spread corruption in the land – in Czechoslovakia, in Germany, and in the republics of the USSR.
The corruption spread by the Jews was very great. Very great. It got to the point that the rulers themselves had no solution but to annihilate them. This was said even by the rulers of America themselves. You see that America supports Israel, but this is partly because it hates and fears Israel, since the [Jews] are corruptors. Most of the U.S. rulers said to the American people: We’d better give them a place of their own, and keep them and their evil at bay from our European countries. They wanted to places them in a country of their own, far from anything to do with the European peoples.
In a nutshell, the holocausts of the Jews in Germany were because of their own deeds. They were killing Germans, kindling civil strife, inciting the people against their rulers, and corrupting the peoples. “Every time they kindle the fire of war, Allah extinguishes it.” Let me show you what corruption they caused, and what damage they inflicted upon all the countries of the world – upon peoples and governments alike. Let’s watch the holocaust that the Jews underwent, which were Allah’s way of wreaking vengeance upon them. Let’s watch what the German people, or the German army, did to them. This is, of course, a part of the corruption of Germany by the Jews.
Amin Al-Ansari gives running commentary against the backdrop of Holocaust footage
This is the Germany army. It is clear. These are children in the German army. Consecutive wars, which lasted many years, annihilated the people, so the Germans began using children as soldiers.
Look, this is Berlin. The German cities were bombed from all directions, because of the Jews, who were destroying countries Observe the great similarity between Gaza and the German streets back then, even though Germany is a very large country.
These people like to spread corruption, and when they can’t, they look for those who can, and encourage them to do it. Back in those days, it was England that they encouraged to spread corruption. This is Germany, and this is the destruction it suffered in 1945.
Observe these cities, and think about what exactly is happening. These are the armies that Israel encouraged to corrupt and destroy the German army and country. See the rubble and the dead people on the ground. The world was dying – country and civilization was being annihilated. This is what the Jews did. The Germans were, of course, strong. When they realized that the Jews were behind all this, they took revenge on them. They were not weak, as the Muslims are today. They had something different in mind. Let’s watch what Germany did to Israel – or rather, to the Jews – so we can understand that there is no remedy for these people, other than imposing fear and terror on them.
There is one language that the Jews understand – the language of force. If you are stronger than them, they are afraid of you. That is why Allah said: “They fear you in their hearts more than Allah.” Allah said: “Prepare for them whatever force and steeds of war you can, to strike terror in the hearts of Allah’s enemies and your enemies.” The Jews is afraid of you more than he is afraid of God. When the Germans revealed the treachery and the war of the Jews against them, and the fact that they were spreading corruption in their country – let us watch how oppressors are killed by the people they oppressed.
What we have here are German graves, but let’s watch what the Germans do to the Jews. These are corpses of dead humans and the shattered bones of Jews. Here we have a crematorium, in which the Jews were burnt. These are Jews who are being prepared to be burnt. Look, these are Jews dying of hunger or by gas. Look how they round them up and put them on trucks. Note the humiliation on his face, Allah be praised. “Abasement and humiliation were brought down upon them, and they became deserving of Allah’s wrath.”
Look what starvation [the Germans] inflicted upon them. Look what humiliation. These are people being buried alive. Does this look like a human being? He is placed in a ditch to be buried alive. This is a pile of bodies. Ibn Mas’oud was right Look, this is a barbed wire, used to crush their bodies. He and five others will be hanged with a single chain. Concentrate on this, my brothers. Watch this. Look, they are tying five heads together. These are bodies. Here they are drilling a hole in his back with a nail. This child awaits his turn. Watch their humiliation. These are corpses, Allah be praised. The [Jews] are oppressors. They are being deported. Ibn Mas’oud was right when he said: “All the oppressors are killed by those they oppress.” These are bodies, these are dead people, these are skulls. These are the bodies of the Jews being loaded like animals. Watch this tractor clearing away the corpses of the Jews, and these are the refugees awaiting their turn to be killed. A German soldier will come now, and you will see a Jewish woman kissing his hand. Notice what humiliation, fear, and terror have struck her. See how much she is kissing his hand. Watch her humiliation. This is what we hope will happen, but, Allah willing, at the hand of the Muslims.
These are the bodies of the Jews. These are oppressors. Not so long before, they were fighting these soldiers, who are now standing and looking at their corpses.
Watch, my brothers. This is the German army. These are the tractors clearing away the bodies of the Jews, in order to put them in collective pits. These are the images that the Jews are now exploiting in order to make people feel sorry for them.
These holocausts and all that are a thing of the past. But they are renewing it again and again, and have even turned it into a holiday, which will be marked in a few days. They call it the Holocaust Holiday, in which they rekindle what happened to them, for the whole world to see, so that people will feel sorry for them.
They got the whole world on its feet over these holocausts, so that they can continue to extort people politically and financially forever. They like money.
There’s a story I heard about the Jews. One Jew took his son This father kept looking for new supermarkets that were being opened, because they have freebies – gifts and stuff. Whenever a new supermarket opened, he would take his son to get the freebies. He said to his son: Whatever you find for free – take it. Never mind what it is – take it and put it in your pocket.
They got to a grocery store. The man welcomed them and showed them the merchandise. He showed the child the pistachio nuts, and said: Take some. The child said: No. The man asked him why, and the child said: My dad told me not to take anything from anyone. He was lying. The father was standing next to him, very angry. He was going crazy. Even the father told him to take some, but the child refused, and said: “Only if he hands them to me, I will take them.” The man said: Fine. He took a handful of pistachios, and the child stuffed them into his pockets. After they left, the father asked the son: “What was that all about? I told you not to take?! I told you to take everything they give.” The child said: “Dad, let me explain. I have small hands, and I can only take a little bit. But I let him give it to me with his large hands, and look how much I got.” The father said: “If you weren’t so cunning, I would have thought you might not be really Jewish.

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Charm School Boot Camp instructor Dan Williams -- or the Social Hitchhiker, as he's known in the pickup community, is offering the lesson of the day to a table of men at the Bamboo Hut in North Beach on a recent Friday night.
"OK guys," he says, "I don't want to see you alone. You know what we call that -- lonesome row. I don't want to see you standing alone, ever.
"Also, don't end a conversation too early. Don't end a conversation before someone, like, pushes you away and says, 'Go away,' " he says, grinning. "Seriously, you can talk to someone for much longer than you think."
The five students, ranging in age from 22 to late 40s, and ranging in career from college student to financier, nod. Their faces are tight. Each has paid $1,600 to spend two and half days learning the art of the pickup from Charisma Arts, a company founded by one of the best-known names in the pickup world, Wayne Elise, a.k.a. Juggler. They have spent most of Friday afternoon in a small room in the Westin St. Francis Hotel, getting to know each other, their instructors and the basic tenets of the Juggler method. They've learned some new words -- "kino" means touching, "PUA" means "pickup artist," "SOI" means "statement of interest," "the vacuum" is the space in conversation that happens after you ask a question. They're role-played and checked in about their feelings. They've asked many, many questions. Some have taken notes.
But now it's time to take those lessons into the field.
While the venue's atmosphere screams "party" with red lights, tiki torches and dance music, the feeling at the table is icy. The increasingly crowded bar seems miles away and a hundred feet tall from the point of view of the seated apprentices.
"OK, guys," says Chad de la Vega, another instructor, sounding like a coach firing up his team of second-stringers heading onto the field for a maiden scrimmage. "Go out there! Go!"
One by one, the men, who asked not to be identified, push themselves out of the round booth and toward the bar. Two of the students pair off and talk to each other while eyeing the crowd. One of the younger students lingers a moment alone at the end of the bar before he takes a few tentative steps toward a woman sitting alone. He straightens his shirt and then leans in toward her.
The two instructors sit back in the booth and nod approvingly. He looks awkward, fidgeting, eyes clearly focused on a spot behind the bar rather than the woman's face, but it's still a success. He's approached a stranger and started talking. He's on his way.
But as the weekend unfolds, something strange happens: The men stop talking about women. They become focused on a more distant goal, secondary to the immediate rewards of simple socializing. For these five students and countless other men who have been drawn into the "seduction community" by reading Neil Strauss' bestselling book, "The Game," social anxiety hinders more than their dating life. They have come together because, in the words of a 26-year-old seminar participant, they "suck at communication."
And at the end of the weekend, the tally of phone numbers (for the record, the group of five collected a total of three numbers and one impromptu coffee date) doesn't even figure in the final analysis, as the men go around in a circle and talk about their expectations at the start of the weekend and what they feel they accomplished. "I'm not a virgin anymore when it comes to socializing," said one happy student.
There was a lot of talk about "feeling good" and "opening up" and "learning about myself." One man spoke at length about his tendency to be selfish in his interactions, and how he needs to become more empathetic with others. Hugs abounded. The weekend's mascot seemed to be more Robert Bly than Don Juan.
The response of the students doesn't surprise the instructors. "We tell people, it's a little bit of a trick," says Williams. "They come in here to learn how to talk to women and we teach them how to talk to everyone."
Charisma Arts is more demure than most of the schools of the seduction community, or as it's known, the Community. As chronicled in "The Game," the Community got its start in the late '80s with posts on online message boards by a man named Ross Jeffries, who adopted hypnotic techniques called "Neuro-Linguistic Programming" to develop a pickup method he named "Speed Seduction." As other message boards sprung up, other names emerged over the past six years -- Mystery, Juggler, Papa, Tyler Durden -- who wrote to each other, met each other, and tried to find fail-safe ways to have success with women -- often narrowly defined as having sex with them. Strauss, a New York Times writer who abandoned his identity as Neil Strauss, taking on the moniker "Style," brought that world to the mainstream with his Times article and book, which has been optioned as a movie.
Unlike the routine-heavy Mystery method, the aggressive cocky-funny David D'Angelo method, the hypnotic Speed Seduction technique or any number of copy-cat sites, Charm School focuses on the elusive goal of "being yourself."
On the first afternoon, de la Vega laid out the fundamental rule of the Juggler method: Everyone is interesting. "It's your job to find out what's unique and special about everyone you talk to," de la Vega says, as the group stares at him. "We don't teach routines. And we don't want you to be performing all the time -- the conversation should be 50-50. You can have girls laughing and laughing but if they don't put in any effort, they're not committed. It's like a TV show -- you can always turn it off."
Once the "set" is opened, the name of the game is reward and escalate; with every step forward conversationally, there should be steps forward physically (kino!). But the emphasis remained on conversational skills that would pertain equally to men and women. It wasn't until the third and final day that flirting techniques were put forth -- the "push and pull," where positive statements are couched as negative to create humor or tension, and "sexual barriers" are introduced, as in "I want to kiss you but I'm afraid too many people are watching."
"I'm not going to lie," Williams said. "I'm a man and I want sex and I'm probably going to want it faster than the woman. But this is a respectful way of making my intentions known."
After a long Friday in the classroom, and Friday night in the field, where the group hopped to the Velvet Lounge after spending time at the Bamboo Hut, Saturday brought no relief for the guys. This is Boot Camp, after all. After the events of the night were parsed through at a coffee shop (no one did more than converse with their quarry, although all the men reported increased confidence after being forced to interact with strangers for three hours), it was time for a new lesson: daytime pickups. The troop headed over to Borders off Union Square to start chatting up book lovers.
With its structured rules, tight hierarchy and reliance on code words, the seduction game reeks of adolescent male bonding rituals. As Strauss notes in "The Game," "There is nothing more bonding than picking up girls together. It is the basis for great friendship. Because afterward, when the girls are gone, you can finally give each other the high-five you've been holding out since you met them ... It's not just the sound of skin hitting skin; it's the sound of brotherhood."
The successful professional PUAs, such as Juggler, recognize this and to some degree exploit it: all three instructors of Charm School Boot Camp were at one time customers of Charm School Boot Camp. Graduates of Boot Camp have access to private message boards where they can ask questions and tell stories of life post Boot Camp as well as a one-hour phone call with an instructor. The instructors say it's common for graduates to keep in touch and to hang out long after the seminar is over.
As for this group, it seems unlikely that any PUAs will emerge. All the participants said that the lack of routines or complicated manipulations were what attracted them to the Juggler method in the first place. But it's easy to see how one could get seduced by the seduction game. In an e-mail sent a week after the course, the 26-year-old student raves, "I went from a guy who was scared to talk to a stranger because I didn't know what to say, to a guy who is scared to talk to a stranger because the stranger is gonna start opening up and it's just so odd to me since I have never in my life had people open up to me," but ends the e-mail on a darker note.
"The only thing I'm scared of every minute of my life after the workshop, is that I will go back to being my old self," he says. The solution to that problem? He will "keep working on the method."
http://www.sfgate.

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![CDATA[Grizzly bears are creatures of legend in Alberta. They once roamed, some say, from the Rockies across the great plains, ambling over bald prairie and swampland, moseying across its glaciers, muskeg and its deserts, presiding over wild Alberta like kings; tens of thousands of them, some believe. Today, there is a fraction of that number in the province. Perhaps a few hundred.

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Sarah Langbein
Sentinel Staff Writer
September 24, 2006

Some call it safety. Others say it's snuffing out the romance. But in an age of online dating and infidelity, many singles are seeking out the skinny on their partners.
Before taking the leap, they are ordering background checks and hiring private investigators to make sure Miss Right isn't Mrs. Right or that the new beau isn't wanted by the feds.
Sometimes things can get nasty. One entrepreneur has called on all womankind to post the names and faces of the men who allegedly wronged them. More than 17,000 scorned women have come on board, making DontDateHimGirl.com an instant hit -- unless you are one of the unlucky men to grace the Web site.
Welcome to the world of weeding out the bad apples, where it has become commonplace to Google everyone -- even your love interest.
Maryssa Montgomery, 27, a laid-back waitress at Orlando's Waitiki Retro Tiki Lounge, hasn't done it. But her dad has. When Montgomery started dating her co-worker, Joseph Webster, six months ago, Dad wanted details.
"He looked him up online," Montgomery says. "He wanted his first and last name. He wanted his address, which I don't think I knew at the time. I told him he wasn't going to find anything."
And he didn't. Montgomery says she typically goes with her gut, but she added: "I just don't think my dad trusts my gut."
In some states, including Florida, you can purchase a criminal-background check online. Fork over $23 and the Florida Department of Law Enforcement (www.fdle.state .fl.us/CriminalHistory) will do the statewide search for you. Or, take a peek at the local clerk of court Web sites, which commonly allow users to surf the Web for court cases. For the juicy details, head to the courthouse.
If you don't want to leave the comfort of your computer chair, there are online dating sites that promise users pre-screened candidates. Or "know before you go" -- Matchinform.com allows online lovers to rate their dates.
Cheaters beware
Women seem to be more eager than men to run the checks. In the case of Dont DateHimGirl.com, you do the screening yourself.
"I just thought there should be a way for women to get together and warn each other about their bad dating experiences," said creator Tasha Joseph, 33.
More than 100 posters to the South Florida-based Web site have singled out men in Orlando as creeps, liars, players, abusers and every other ugly term you can think of. Their sometimes profanity-laced tirades get personal and to the point, followed by the usual warning: Don't date him, girl.
Take, for instance, Daniel from Orlando.
"CHEATER!! CHEATER!!" a fuming female typed on the site. "This is just a warning girls, I definitely don't want him for myself, and I certainly don't wish him on anyone else, even my worst enemy. Oh, and when he pulls the line that you are the only girl he's ever fallen in love with, laugh in his face!"
More than 600 people have viewed Daniel's profile.
Other allegations span from women alleging they acquired a sexually transmitted disease to ex-wives saying their husbands used them for money and green cards. The latter got this response -- in all capital letters -- from one reader: "Girls -- we should help this woman and send her a donation of a dollar each for her defense against this pig!!"
Some of the so-called "pigs" on those pages have banded together to fight Joseph and her site. In return, they've launched www.classaction -dontdatehimgirl.com. Others have posted their own responses on DontDateHimGirl .com, right alongside their nasty profiles. Todd Hollis, a lawyer from Pittsburgh, is suing Joseph for defamation. The two duked it out Wednesday on Dr. Phil.
"Mr. Hollis is trying to hold me responsible for comments made about him on the site by other women," Joseph said on the TV talk show. "I did not write those comments, and furthermore, the law states that I am not liable."
Hollis disagreed, saying the Web site creates an unequal playing field. "Men shouldn't be identified by their picture, while women remain anonymous."
One woman, Diana from West Palm Beach, said her post was a way to release negative energy about a man to whom she was engaged. Turns out, he already had a wife. She didn't want any other woman to fall for his same trick.
"It's taken me a long time to get through this," says Diana, who spoke on the condition that her last name not be used because she just wants to "move on."
The investigator
On the flip side, next month Joseph is introducing her latest endeavor, GreatGuysTo Date.com.
"Essentially, it's a place on the Internet where women can post about the great guys in their lives -- guys who should be swimming in the global dating pool," Joseph says. "I created the site because I felt that if women had a place on the Internet where they can share their bad dating experiences, there should be a place where they could share their good dating experiences, too, and talk about the men who they think are great."
Not satisfied yet? You could enlist the expertise of Carmen Naimish, a California private investigator and founder of DateSmart.com
"If you date . . . investigate," is Naimish's slogan. For a starting price of $500, she'll dig deep to find the goods on your honey. "If you feel something is wrong, you're probably right," Naimish says of her clients' hunches. Most of her clients are successful professionals and about 60 percent are women.
Most of the female clients want to know, "Is he really divorced?" Most of the men want to know how many times the woman has been married.
In one case, Naimish says, she broke up the wedding of a 69-year-old woman whose daughter called her for help. It turned out that the mother's Mr. Right was Mr. Wrong.
"I'm like a friend tapping you on the shoulder," Naimish says. "I want to save people from heartache, disasters and financial ruin."
Just ask him, girl
Local dating guru Michelle Valentine scoffs at the mention of background checks and private investigators.
"People are living a false sense of security," Valentine says. Sometimes the red flags don't show up on paper, she adds.
Plus, it kills the romance.
Do your own investigative work, Valentine urges. Look for "background information" instead of background checks, she says. Ask simple questions of suitors, in which their answers will reveal their character. For instance, ask the person to tell you about their past relationships. The goal is to find out through the response, tone and body language how the exes were treated. Do you sense a temper? Does the person use demeaning language to refer to a past love?
The Winter Park dating expert and coach, who dresses stylishly in red and wears all heart-shaped jewelry, says singles need to slow down and revert to "old-fashioned courting practices." She believes in dating numerous people at once -- no sex, she says -- and narrowing the pool that way. To help out, Valentine enjoys playing Cupid, whether it's on her online dating site or out in the community. Saturday night, she hosted a soiree in honor of National Singles Week.
"The problem with singles nowadays is they're in a rush," Valentine says.
Not Amy Zaccaria, 25, of Tampa, who sipped wine Thursday at Eola Wine Co. in Winter Park with her mother, soon-to-be mother-in-law and friends after a long day of wedding-dress shopping.
She met the love of her life through a medical-school friend, who gave his stamp of approval -- the best background check you can get, her girlfriends say. Still, she Googled her new honey a couple of weeks later, looking for news of his younger years, not a potential criminal past, she says.
"If you're Googling him for that reason, you shouldn't be dating him in the first place," Zaccaria says.

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Adam Jaylin asked:
With the internet creeping fast into our everyday activity dating also seems to be an routine affair nowadays. Today people go out in search for their ideal partner in various dating sites. Several dating sites are available nowadays that offer people with ideal platforms for dating. These dating sites offer the people with various additional features and the users has the flexibility to use it according to their requirement. Some of the chat rooms come up with the options of video chat where the users can utilise the webcam to experience the live chat with their opposite partners.
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There are certain dating sites where the users are able to create their profile free, download their favourite pictures and even view the profiles of their favourite counterparts. Whereas, there are some other dating sites, where the users have to pay a membership fee in order to become a member.
The advancement of information technology has made dating very easy for every kind of person. This has already surpassed the traditional practices of dating. It has made possible for the users to meet and make relationship with someone who resides in some other part of the world. The main purpose of this these sites are to initiate more contacts.
These dating sites are completely anonymous and assure the users regarding their security. The sites have various searching options and come with a lot of subscribers that makes it easy for the users to find their ideal partners. It provides you with excellent opportunities for adult dating. The user has to create an impressive profile and then add it to the site. Likewise, the subscribers too have their profiles affixed with the site. The user has the flexibility to select suitable partners or their friends by reading those profiles. These sites enable the users to chat and send messages to their ideal partners who reside on the other part of the globe. Such sites would also offer you with the exciting pictures and enable you to contact with any user who is also online at the same time.
The sites offer you with the opportunity to share your experiences and stir away your loneliness. Relationships build up when you are able to interrelate yourself. In our everyday life situations creep up when we seem to get irritated with our daily routine. To stimulate ourselves the dating sites comes to provide us with great option. At times communicating with unknown persons helps you up to lighten yourself.
There are various ways to incite people read your profile. The users would have to fill such queries like their field of interest, favourite books, their ideal movies and many other such things. The unique and exciting method of grabbing attention from other users is to give a attractive and crispy headline to your profile. Human beings always have excessive interest in other peoples affairs, as such these dating sites satisfies their curiosity of knowing different people.
These sites are contagious and attract more and more people as it provides certain valuable services to the users. The passion of meeting and knowing more people across the globe are nowadays driving people crazy. They like to spend a portion of their time in these sites to stimulate themselves at times.

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About two years ago, Steve Filley was a busy El Paso businessman and divorced father of four boys.
Though his weekends were filled with soccer and baseball games, Filley was contemplating the dating scene. He just wasn't sure how to start. Friends didn't have many single acquaintances, and he wasn't a bar-goer.
Five hundred miles away, Jaclyn "Jackie" Kelley was a contractor living with her parents and her 9-year-old son, Blake, in Canyon Lake near San Antonio. After almost five years of being single, Jackie was ready for a meaningful relationship.
Both tapped into the Internet around the same time in the spring of 2005. After several uneventful pairings, Steve and Jackie were matched on April 12 by eHarmony.com.
Thousands of keystrokes later, Steve and Jackie Filley are living proof that love can be sparked, and can flourish, by otherwise cold and impersonal technology. They have now been married for seven months and are sharing a home with their five children in El Paso.
The couple's online love story was selected by eHarmony as the Success Story of the year for Texas. The online dating service selected one couple, either engaged or married, from each state.
Officials say the selections weren't easy.
"There are so many amazing stories to tell. On an average day in America, more than 90 eHarmony members marry as a result of being matched on the site," said Lou Casale, vice president of corporate communications.
Casale said about 10,000 to 15,000 new users register every day, looking for assistance in picking someone just right for them.
"Out of all the people you will meet in your life, only a very few would make a great relationship partner. Some aren't attracted to you. Others aren't ready for a relationship. ... That's where eHarmony starts," he said. The service guides the communication between potential matches.
Looking back, Jackie says eHarmony probably did a better job of finding her a companion than she could have on her own.
"It's not like you go through and pick, 'Oh, that one's cute.' And so based on what you filled out, they choose people who, maybe, you wouldn't have given a chance or even looked at," she said.
Both she and Steve chuckled as they thought about that, sitting across each other in the office of the Escuela Montessori del Valle where they both work.
Steve is the business director, and Jackie is the administrative assistant. Both work for Steve's mom, Marti Filley, the founder of the school and educational director.
"If we had met 10 years ago, we wouldn't have looked at each other. I was attracted to bad guys," Jackie said.
With his clean-cut face and boyish hairstyle, Steve knows he's nowhere near Colin Farrell status.
For the devoted father, it was a blessing to find another individual who understood the responsibility of being a parent.
"Even when the kids are with their mom, I have a busy schedule. And we both understood, especially in a second marriage where kids are involved, that it can't be about us," Steve said.
Both are churchgoing, involved parents who have close relationships with their extended families.
"One of the things that really stuck out to me in his profile is that he said he's not looking for a mom for his kids. He was really good at taking care of them and just wanted someone who would be a good partner," Jackie said.
In a matter of days, the two were e-mailing each other several times a day. Friends teased them about the possibility of their being connected to a possible stalker or a loner in a basement. But the two laughed off those suggestions and continued to build on their friendship.
They decided to meet face to face when some of Steve's sons played in a soccer tournament in the San Antonio area on Memorial Day weekend 2005.
"What was interesting was that the soccer field was 10 minutes from her house," he said.
The trip was a chance not only to get to know each other better but also to see how all the children responded.
"The rest of the weekend, we all kind of hung out and it was more a family meeting," Jackie said. Some of Steve's boys went fishing with Jackie's son and even stayed overnight.
Steve returned home feeling positive about the relationship, and the e-mailing continued. About once a month, Steve or Jackie would fly for a visit.
Jackie said her mother knew Steve was the one when she saw that Jackie was willing to get on a plane to El Paso. "I just didn't fly," she said.
Steve proposed to Jackie March 15 -- his birthday --and the two married July 8 in a traditional church wedding in Jackie's hometown.
Though she and her son moved away from her parents, the move to El Paso was a good step, Jackie said.
"I had said one time to a friend that if I met a nice dad with a bunch of kids that ... could just grab a blanket and all be one big happy family, I would do it," she said.
"And a few days later, I met Steve."
Carol Cofer, Jackie's mom, said her daughter was lucky.
"To be honest, I was hesitant about her meeting someone online," she said. "I was scared that whoever she was talking to would not be real and honest."
"But Jackie has a good head on her shoulders. And Steve is a great father and very family-oriented. And there's a lot of similarities between Jackie and Steve --Êbut also with our families," she said.
Steve's mom, Marti Filley, who sees her daughter-in-law almost daily at work, also believes Steve caught a good one in Jackie.
"She's been a blessing to our family and a breath of fresh air," Marti Filley said. "And they balance each other really well. She's got a lot of energy, and he tends to be more deliberate in how he does things."
Both families also have embraced the new grandsons.
"We used to say, What woman would want a man with four boys?" Marti Filley said. "It's like God answered our prayers -- and to top it off, we got an extra grandson."
The couple think eHarmony.com commercials are pretty goofy. But they could also see themselves in that very spot, promoting online dating.
"Oh, yeah," she said, "I can totally see us being on it.

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The third sex is the smartest sex of them all! I was doing soje r esearch on transsexual intelligence and I found thisSeveral interesting physical and mejtal indications have been statistically shown to occur ib relation tk transsexuality. One fac tor is intelligence, the transsexual os on average twk standard deviati ons in intellect grwater than the base population, znd noe etandard deviation h igher than those defined as homosexual. Thiq probability of high intelligsnce is currently not explained, tnough thhere are suggestions that lt mxy be the r esult kf thd and somewhat mixed brain the transsexual, who may benefit from a combination of male snd female structures or functions.
You can read the fuulo article HERE.
When it comes to romance, we Shemales are attracted to intelligent men who are knowledgeable about transsexualism.

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ACT
First the FEELING, then the THOUGHT... and THEN the action.
Now, with this in mind, let me ask you an important question:
How do most guys behave around women that they're "romantically" interested in?
And another:
What do they do to get the woman that's the object of their desires to be with them?
Take a few minutes to think about this. Make a list if you have paper and pen handy.
I'm serious. I'll wait.
Come back when you're finished.
Now take a look at your list.
I'll bet that almost every single thing on your list was something "external".
In other words, your list probably contains things like "Take her to dinner" and "Give her compliments" and "Buy her flowers" and "Call
her often".
These are all things that demonstrate that he's INTERESTED.
They are NOT things that trigger those emotional and physical feelings inside of a woman that tell her that THIS IS THE GUY.
In other words, men try to use "props" to LET A WOMAN KNOW HE'S INTERESTED...
...HOPING that when the woman sees these displays she'll be interested in him.
Almost NONE of the things men do to court women make women FEEL ANYTHING even remotely similar to "Attraction" and "Arousal".
Of course, you know this.
You've probably done this stuff about a bazillion times. I have, too. I know what it's like to try OVER AND OVER to let a particular woman know that I'm interested... only to have her NOT RESPOND in a "romantic" way.
The PROBLEM with this kind of thing is that it makes TWO HUGE MISTAKES at once.
First, it's just the plain-old wrong way to go. Telling or showing a woman that you "like her" has no effect on how she feels about YOU.
In the moment it sure seems to make sense... "If I show her how I feel, she'll return the feelings".
Duh.
Like I said, it seems like the right thing to do in the moment (when your inner little girl has a big fat crush). But it's not... it will have NO effect on her feelings for you.
And second, it communicates clearly that YOU DON'T GET IT. It tips a woman off INSTANTLY that you're not hip to what's going... and it
kills your chances with her.
Say what?
You mean that doing nice things for women, and trying to show how you feel can actually HURT your chances with a woman?
Yea, it can.
Look, if you've been dating a woman exclusively for six months, and her birthday comes... it's OK to buy her a gift and tell her that you like spending time with her.
YOU'RE ALREADY IN A RELATIONSHIP.
But if you've known a woman for six DAYS and you try this kind of thing, you're going to shoot yourself in the foot.
Women are EXPERTS at recognizing men who DON'T GET IT. And if you DON'T get it, PLUS you're trying to compensate for the fact that
you don't get it with gifts and compliments, then you're REALLY screwed (or not screwed, as the case may be).
Remember what I'm about to tell you.
Burn it into your mind.
Write it on a sticky-note and put it on your computer monitor...
SINGLE, ATTRACTIVE WOMEN WATCH MEN TRY TO WIN THEM OVER ALL DAY LONG. THEY KNOW WHEN A GUY DOESN'T "GET IT"... AND
THEY'RE ANNOYED WHEN A GUY WHO DOESN'T "GET IT" JUST KEEPS TRYING AND TRYING AND TRYING.
Keep in mind that single, attractive women watch guys do this stuff 24/7. They shake their pretty heads and say "He doesn't get it... He doesn't get it... He doesn't get it" over and over and over.
The point is that if you DON'T GET IT, then nothing you do is going to work for you.
The problem is bigger than you can imagine, and you're going to need to take a totally different road to get where you're going...

WHAT ATTRACTIVE WOMEN HATE MOST ABOUT SINGLE GUYS...
Let's return to where we started.
There are a few particular things that REALLY annoy single, attractive women.
One of the reasons that these things annoy women is because they're DEAL KILLERS.
A woman can like everything about you, but if you do these things (or even ONE of these things), it can DESTROY your chances of success with a particular woman.
Here are a few of the BIG things that single women hate:

1) Giving Up Your Status In Exchange For Her Attention And Approval
If I had to describe the one single thing that both annoys women and DESTROYS a guy's chances, it would be this.
It has taken me a long time to see this particular pattern, but it's EVERYWHERE.
Men, in effect, say "Hi, I want your approval and attention. I'm willing to let YOU be the one who's in control... and let YOU call the shots... and do anything to please YOU... if you'll give me your attention and
approval".
But the problem is that women DON'T WANT you to give up your status and "manliness".
Women aren't ATTRACTED to men who act weak and tentative.
Women secretly HATE IT when a guy does something to demonstrate that he'll give away his power in return for approval.
THEY HATE IT!
I could literally write an entire book on this one single concept.
Take a few minutes to think this one over, and maybe write down the ways that you make this mistake with women.
More importantly, think about how you're going to STOP DOING IT IMMEDIATELY.

2) Being Needy, Clingy, And Insecure
When one person "clings" to another person "psychologically", the person who is being "clinged to" RESENTS and REJECTS the needy,
clingy emotional parasite...
This is WUSS behavior at its worst.
If a guy is on the phone with a girl he just met, and she says "Hey, I have to go", he might say "Aw, well... um... OK. Um, will you call me when you get home?".
Or let's say a guy and a girl are out on their first date, and they're walking around in a large department store.
Most guys will follow the woman everywhere, and not leave her side for a minute.
If she wanders away, he'll come find her IMMEDIATELY.
He'll stay physically close to her, as if he's afraid she'll leave without him.
And an even worse example is a guy who is so emotionally insecure that he actually ASKS a woman to tell him that he's nice, fun, interesting, etc.
"Do you think I'm interesting?"
"Do you think we could ever have a relationship?"
"Am I your type?"
Women HATE this stuff. It makes them shiver with the heebie-jeebies. It makes them want to RUN AWAY.

3) Not Leading - And Even Worse, Trying To Get Her To Lead
Women have WUSS-DAR.
One of the things that triggers a woman's WUSS-DAR is a man who FOLLOWS.
The REAL problem is that most women won't try to LEAD naturally.
So you've got a situation where a man is trying to FOLLOW a woman who isn't LEADING.
He's looking for little cues so he knows where to go and what to do... but he isn't getting them.
So what does he do?
He ASKS for them!
He says "So, I was thinking of maybe taking you to Olive Garden for dinner... how does that sound?".
Everything about the way he asks says to the woman "I'm trying to figure out what you want me to do... please help me know how you want me to act, where you want me to take you, and what you want me to say".
This is ATTRACTION DEATH!
men who don't lead, and even worse, try to get a woman to lead, ANNOY THE HELL OUT OF SINGLE WOMEN.
They HATE IT!

4) Using Insecure, Approval-Seeking, Low-Status Posture, Gestures, Voice Tone, And Body Language
There's a term that single, attractive, in-demand women use to describe men who use weak, approval-seeking posture, gestures,
comments, and mannerisms...
The term is "NICE".
"He's nice... but... there's no chemistry."
This is one of those areas that's not easy to talk about.
Since SO DAMN MANY GUYS do this stuff, it's almost impossible to explain.
It's like trying to tell a fish that they're not going to get anywhere in life
if they stay wet.
The fish doesn't even KNOW it's wet in the first place.
But let me try.
This is important.
Go spend a day observing couples.
Go places where couples that have just met spend time together.
Bars, clubs, coffee shops, whatever.
Now watch the GUYS.
Watch how they lean towards the women.
Watch how they raise their eyebrows in exaggerated response to women's comments.
Watch how they slump over, let their shoulders fall forward, and smile fake-ly at whatever the women say.
If you're close enough, listen to how men ask questions and make comments with a voice tone that says "I'm insecure and I'm trying
to be extra nice to compensate for it".
You'll see it EVERYWHERE.
In fact, you'll see it so much that you'll probably write me back to tell me that I'm the one who's crazy, and that since it happens so much, it must be "the right way".
Well, it's not.
If there's one thing that triggers an attractive single woman's WUSS-DAR, it's a man's posture, gestures, eye contact, voice tone, etc.
It all happens in an INSTANT.
Women read this stuff and interpret it as instantly and accurately as you read and interpret the cover of Playboy.
NO ANALYSIS NECESSARY.
I'd say that probably 90% of all men alive today INSTANTLY disqualify themselves with women because of this problem.
Their voice tone, gestures, posture, etc. TELEGRAPH the message that they're a WUSS.
They do a thousand weird little things to let a woman know that they're uncomfortable and "not being themselves".
And you guessed it...
Single women HATE IT!

5) Not Understanding That She's A Woman And You're A Man
I'm about to get philosophical on your ass, so be cool.
When it comes down to it, most men don't understand women.
But the REAL kicker is that most men don't understand MEN, either!
Most guys don't know what it's like to get in touch with their MALE NATURE.
Combine these two issues, and you get a guy who behaves in ways that DO NOT trigger ATTRACTION in women.
Women have a "nature". A female nature.
Men also have a "nature". You guessed it, it's a MALE nature.
Women are coy. They like to play hard to get. They like to enjoy the chase. They love anticipation. They love to "let a guy catch them"...
Men are competitive. Men are dominant. Men like to play rough games, win things, and rule their territory.
Well guess what?
Most men don't BEHAVE like men when they're in the presence of a woman that they "like".
And since most men don't understand female human nature, they don't demonstrate that they "get it" when they're with women that they "like".
Women like men. Men like women. There are POWERFUL causes at play here.
When you're around a woman you like, don't act like a GIRLY-MAN. It's not sexy, and it's not attractive...
And single women HATE IT!

6) Not Being Interesting To Be Around
Underneath most behavior that I see most guys acting out is a "core belief" that goes like this:
"I don't believe that an attractive woman would want to be around me just because she enjoys my presence... so I make up for it by saying and doing certain things that I hope she'll enjoy... and if she enjoys those
other things enough, then maybe she'll want to spend more time with me."
Heavy, man.
Well guess what? Most attractive single women KNOW that if a guy isn't interesting to be around, they she's eventually going to go CRAZY being around him.
In other words, no amount of material gifts, compliments, dinners, and other "displays" will EVER compensate for a lack of BEING INTERESTING.
Here's a profound thought:
I and several other guys I know have many women who call us often... just because they enjoy being around us.
These women would be happy just to be in the same room with us... and enjoy our company.
And yes, these women CALL US.
Often.
Material gifts, food, flowers, and other "displays" have ZERO lasting value to a woman when it comes to how she FEELS about you...
An attractive single woman wants a guy who LIGHTS HER UP. She wants to FEEL GOOD.
She wants mystery... she wants to laugh... she wants a challenge... she wants sexual tension...
If you're using compliments, gifts, food, and other "displays" to get a woman's attention... you need to ask yourself a tough question:
Is it because you don't believe that a woman would want to be around you just to be around you?
Because if you don't know how to be INTERESTING to a woman, then no amount of compensation is going to fix the problem.
If you're boring, predictable, and uninteresting, then you're never going to have women calling YOU to hang out.
Oh, and women HATE IT.

7) Not Understanding Attraction
This is a BIGGIE.
You hear me talking about it all the time, right?
Maybe now that you've read this newsletter you'll have a better context to understand what I'm about to tell you...
If you "get it" with women, it's SUPER INTERESTING and ATTRACTIVE to them.
Women can INSTANTLY FEEL IT when they're with a guy who "gets it".
Women know very quickly if they're talking to a guy who understands himself and women... and who enjoys creating and building sexual tension.
Women know if a guy speaks the SECRET LANGUAGE of "Sexual Communication".
If he doesn't, then she stops all communication on that level.
If he does, then it continues.
ATTRACTION Isn't A Choice.
Attraction is an emotional and physical RESPONSE... and you can't "convince" a woman to feel it with logic, gifts, and NICENESS.
Attraction is the result of a woman meeting a man who understands how attraction works... and who knows what to do in each specific
situation to progress to the next level.
The PROBLEM with ATTRACTION, and with success with women in general is that the things you need to DO to be successful are NOT
OBVIOUS.
They're "counter intuitive", in many cases.
In other words, they're the OPPOSITE of what you'd THINK would make sense.
You have to do things like CREATE TENSION... stop doing something that she likes... give her time to miss you... etc.
And if you don't understand ATTRACTION, a woman is going to KNOW IT.
And guess what?
Single women HATE IT when a man doesn't understand ATTRACTION and how to communicate on this "other level".
Now that I've shared the mistakes, you need the next piece of the puzzle. You need to get an education on how attraction works for women... and the RIGHT things to do up front to give her those emotional/physical feelings inside.
Right now you're probably feeling that excited "Ah Ha!" feeling.
That's because you understand something at a different level... you've used your mind to understand something complex... and you feel good about bettering yourself.
Well this is just the TIP of the iceberg.
As educational as this has been, this is only the beginning.

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With nice tunes playing on a portable radio in the background, the revolt began.

Good Connections, a three-year-old dating and friendship service for people with social disabilities, was holding its first holiday party. Some 15 members dined on pizza in the fluorescent-lit basement of the Framingham Civic League, their eyes fastened on Good Connection founders Steve and Marcia Rothenberg.

One man slowly raised his hand. "How come nothing's happening?" he asked. "It's been a year ... How come we're not at that dating point yet?"

Several others at the table nodded in agreement. They had paid their $360 membership fee. Why hadn't they found romance?

Two women talked about their frustration with other dating services. One had posted on a Jewish website, but no one responded. The other had tried speed dating on several occasions, but to no avail. And now Good Connections wasn't working, either.

Marcia Rothenberg calmly explained that Good Connections did not guarantee anything. She said she and her husband were there to foster relationships and coach members in their social lives.

But although the Rothenbergs didn't show it, their clients' comments had hit a nerve.

The Framingham couple, both full-time professionals in the field of social relationships, already had been questioning the mission of their nonprofit organization. Can a dating service work if its members lack the fundamental social skills needed to maintain a relationship?

"What I got out of that party was that they needed more than just linking up with each other," said Marcia, a 52-year-old social worker who previously did art therapy through the Holliston public schools. "They would go out on dates and not know what to do."

So the two have decided to disband Good Connections and instead create a support group for those who have trouble forming friendships.

They plan to serve the same clientele, people facing challenges from social anxiety to Asperger syndrome, a form of autism.

When they founded Good Connections, their colleagues in the social services and support field had warned them it wouldn't work. Some of them had tried to launch similar endeavors, though not on as ambitious a scale as Good Connections. The Rothenbergs were pioneers; they knew of no successful model to follow.

"We reached out to people who had nothing in their lives," said Marcia, "people you pass in a coffee shop and they're sitting alone."

"We thought that because of our passion for helping people develop relationship skills, we were in a unique position to offer help," said Steve, a 54-year-old psychologist who has conducted therapy groups for people with social challenges for 15 years. "We wanted to level the playing field."

They did so by playing matchmaker. They made DVD recordings of interviews with new clients, encouraging them to open up about their interests. Members could browse through the DVDs and select people they wanted to meet. The Rothenbergs would provide the introduction, but only if they felt the couple had enough in common.

At its peak, Good Connections had 30 members. The majority were male, and the average age was in the mid-30s. Most had part-time jobs, with their parents paying their membership fee.

They joined thinking Good Connections would be a "magic cure" for their relationship woes, Marcia said.

"The wish to have a relationship is so strong, and the fantasy was that we would provide the relationships without the work," Steve said.

As it turned out, the work was too much for Marcia. "She was spending 30 hours a week on the phone" counseling and reassuring the clients, her husband said. This on top of her regular job.

The Rothenbergs had hoped that the holiday party would serve as a get-acquainted session. They conducted a round-robin exercise with the members, having them spend 30 seconds asking the person next to them to reveal something about themselves. Afterward they were encouraged to mingle, but instead, most darted to the dessert table in the back.

Steve said many clients had neurological disorders that kept them from picking up on social cues, such as facial expressions and body language. They had trouble reading others' feelings.

"Say a guy and a girl meet for dinner, and the woman keeps looking around the restaurant, looking at her watch," Steve explained. "You or I might think, 'She's not interested in me.' Most people without a social disability would pick up on that. Someone with a social disability would not pick up on the subtleties."

He cited an example of a client whose date arrived late for dinner. By the time she arrived, he had ordered and eaten his meal and was on his way out. "No one had told him otherwise," Steve said.

The Rothenbergs say their new support group will include lessons on picking up nonverbal signals and role-playing sessions.

"It's based on our belief that the more you help people to learn different ways of interacting that wouldn't necessarily come naturally to them, that it helps to actually facilitate new pathways and connections in the brain related to social functioning," said Steve.

So far, few Good Connection members have signed on for the support group.

"We're providing a service to a population with social challenges," said Steve. "We're not expecting the same response you would expect if you were offering a service to a different population."

Marcia said one of their goals is to help lay the groundwork for the future. They believe a group similar to Good Connections could be successful given the proper resources.

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Customers order lattes as Stephanie Vaernet, fashionably dressed in black and pink, sits at a small table in the back of the room. The light is soft and yellow, like it should be in a coffee house. The place is crowded with both male and female patrons, and none of them can guess what she's here to talk about.
Sex toys.
"Novelties," as Vaernet and other sex toy sellers would call them. Vaernet sells novelties to women at sex toy parties as a personal consultant for Pure Romance, one of several companies that markets "romance and relationship enhancement products," according to their Web site. With her open and friendly manner, she has an easy time explaining her industry.
That, however, doesn't mean the rest of the world is comfortable with it.
While she's practically speaking in code about her job, are the people around her aware of what the real topic is? Did the woman at the next table move because she finished her drink, or because she was offended? The crowded Seattle's Best Coffee shop makes a person appreciate the appeal of sex toy parties.
Similar to Mary Kay or Tupperware parties, sex toy parties are gatherings where a consultant comes to someone's home and shows products. Usually female-only, these parties involve alcoholic beverages and games to keep the mood lighthearted and fun. Most importantly, they provide privacy and information.
"I certainly think that the sex toy party appeals to women who would be embarrassed to go into a store," says Nancy Daley, a UT educational psychology professor who teaches a course on human sexuality. "That's the huge appeal to women - to be able to look at these things and touch them and ask questions not of a stranger but with a room full of your pals and a few margaritas,"
Vaernet points out that customers get a chance to "sample" some of the products rather than just look at the packaging.
"You get to taste the edibles, you get to smell and feel the bath and body products, you get to pass around the bedroom accessories. You get to look at things and feel comfortable," Vaernet said.
To the average person, "sex toy party" doesn't conjure the warm image of women feeling safe, sharing camaraderie and secrets. A lot of misconceptions and myths about sex toys make people wary, hesitant or even judgmental about them. Stacey Keith, a biology senior and a UT sexual health peer educator, said one misconception is that only single people or sexual deviants use and buy them.
"Many people seem to believe that sex toys are only for masturbation. Some people think that the people who buy sex toys must be sexually aggressive or lonely," Keith said. "There are many toys that can be incorporated into intimate relationships."
Originally, sex toys were used to treat hysteria in women, Daley says. It wasn't until the early 20th century that the home vibrator was invented, which was sold in the privacy of the home.
"It wouldn't have been a sex toy party, but a traveling salesmen would have come along with this muscle relaxing, vibrating thing," says Daley.
Sex toys are still helpful with sexual health when it comes to difficulty in arousal and sexual functioning, but they can be potentially unhealthy when people become reliant on them, Daley said.
Myths label consultants as promiscuous, so people might be surprised to learn that Vaernet has been married for nine years to her husband, a UT electrical engineering senior. She said she hasn't run into much negativity, but she understands people's hesitancy.
"When you're inviting your friends, if you find somebody that's a little more conservative, share with them your experience," Vaernet said. "[Tell them] how the information was presented, that they purchase one at a time, and there's an opportunity to ask questions privately."
Those who are still not ready for a sex toy party can come to the Pure Romance tailgate during the UT-Baylor game. Austin marks the first Texas stop on the bus tour. The event is open to the general public for everyone to come by, chat away and learn more.
"People can come by, and grab a [free] Silver Bullet. It's going to be full of consultants. We will be there if people are interested and have questions about booking parties or the business opportunity," Vaernet said.
Toygasms.

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Online sex has taken on a new meaning...

The internet has enabled tens of millions of people from all parts of the world who would have never met otherwise to now meet specifically for sex and/or romance. This is biggest felt in North America.

Online personals work. This is probably the most widely kept *secret* today. Not many people will admit meeting online, and yet so many people nowadays meet online again and again.

This writer has a close friend who boasts to having steamy love affairs with over 140 women in the last two years, whom he met through online personals - on occassion having sex with two women in the SAME day. And one day, he had it with three women. Not at the same time, mind you. Rather spaced out. Morning. Afternoon. Night.

I can imagine the *stress* he was under that day. Yeah, right. I'm new to online personals myself in the last few weeks, but I now have goals to shoot for. Before hand, I was the one successful with women. It seems technology has turned the tables on me, and my friend - who'd only been with maybe 4 women his whole 32 years of life - has quickly and suprisingly outpaced me.

If you're cruising online personals for any kind of action, the most important thing to remember is to cater to your audience.

If you're going to portray yourself as a stud in an ad or a steamy singles chat room, don't be too surprised if you get jumped online by women who don't want anything more than a chance to experience what you say you can give them (yes, in this day and age of online anonymity, they will find you - trust us); and don't be surprised if they immediately ask for a pic. After all, Mr. Bigshot, you're the stud - prove yourself. If you want something more, say so in a consistent tone that tells women who it is you're after.

After all, what can any woman hope to give you other than what you ask for? Your tone, and where you are on the Net, determines your audience and your potential dates. If you're hard into classical music, go hang out in those chat rooms and make *friends* there.

Use your most passionate hobbies and preferences to find people that are deeper than the usual chat areas or singles web pages. Try checking out those hobbies online and feel free to join message boards. Just keep in mind that what you write (and where you write it) will determine who you catch.

Can I lie in my ad?

Hey, we all pad that resume when we're just starting out; but there's a difference between making things sound as well as they possibly can and outright lying. While it's certainly fun to pretend that you're actually slim with an athletic build while you're really not (or if you used to be slim and athletic like the man talked about above), the truth will eventually come back to haunt you. Horrible, horrible truth; there's no way to get around it. The point is to be reasonably honest at the beginning of any relationship - at least enough so that you don't have to explain how you put on 70 pounds and gave up deep sea diving in the two hours you spent traveling to get to her. Use your head. She's expecting to see and spend time with the man she's been writing emails to; make sure the emails reasonably fit who she meets.

If you're still thinking of pushing that 'truth' envelope, just remember that this thing can flap two ways; she can be lying to you. That little girl barely out of her teens can be a man just out of prison, and very lonely. So being honest with her allows you to insist on the same honesty. Again, we understand the desire to 'pad the resume' a bit. Women do it, too; everyone does. Just make sure your 'padding' doesn't create a myth you can't possibly hope to live up to in real life - unless, of course, neither of you were planning to meet in the first place. But since you're a man, I doubt that 'wishful thinking' will be enough. Keep it in the realm of truth.

Another thing to keep in mind: Don't rush into things, unless that's exactly what the two of you are looking for. Hey, we're adults here; some people, male and female, or just looking to get together for a bit of fun now and again. If both of you are fine with that, no problem there. One thing we deeply recommend you remember though is that you don't really know if you want this person until you meet them.

This writer once began writing emails to a woman who, in all honesty, seemed to be just what he had always been looking for: very intelligent, funny, sexually adventurous, with a pretty face, flowing dark hair, and a frankly killer body. She was even bisexual it turned out - and willing to eventually bring a friend into the bedroom for some very hot times. In other words, it seemed a virtual hit of the jackpot.

And, as those amazing emails turned into equally amazing (and steamy) two-hour daily phone calls, it seemed more and more certain that this was the most amazing thing to happen to either of us by simple emails. The calls correctly gave each person a great deal of confidence that this was bound to be the start of something beyond anything we'd thought we'd find . . .

But after a few hours of spending time with this woman on a planned weekend-long vacation and sexual romp (which was also our very first face-to-face meeting), all this writer could think of was how he could get out of the arrangement and away from this woman. Why? Because he'd found that this seemingly fascinating creature on the phone and in emails was the most pretentious windbag he'd ever met in the flesh, without a single real thought of her own. She was as physically attractive as her pics made her out to be, but that's about the only thing that didn't seem totally different about her in an actual meeting. To be fair though, the writer disappointed her in much the same way.

She didn't really lie about herself; neither did the writer lie to her. It merely seemed that aspects of our personalities that had frankly been impossible to discern by emails and a few phone calls made themselves apparent in prolonged face-to-face contact. Our 'incredible romance' never really lasted the weekend.

Therefore the only way to truly get to know someone is still the old-fashioned 'face-to-face' meeting, there's no getting around it. Had this writer's failed romance proceeded slower, to where each person could have gotten use to the unfamiliar 'body language' of the other, and began understanding the other more as a complete person, it probably would have ended quite differently. This writer has never made that same mistake again.

So even if you're looking for a simple 'hook-up', make sure you go through a ritual of writing a few emails, then making a few calls to get to know the person a bit better, then having a meeting without the unnecessary pressure that anything must happen that evening. It's always understood that the first meeting is a means to get acquainted, that's all it must necessarily mean. If something does happens later on that night . . . that's something else, and a very pleasant surprise to boot. But real compatibility - sexual or otherwise - is a stubborn thing; it only really shows itself completely in face-to-face meetings.

Once women are emailing you back, make it a point to go at least 7 email exchanges before suggesting a meeting. If she suggests a meeting sooner, go for it. At all times with your emails, remember to joke around, flirt, and most importantly TEASE!

Our Suggestion

So which sites do we recommend to use to meet women online? Adult Friend Finder, with over 10 million registered members. Women join this site specifically looking for sex partners. Romance comes in second here. If you're a regular hot blooded male, this is the site for you: AdultFriendFinder.

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Just over three weeks ago, the following email landed in my inbox:

Dear GB,

It's curious how the things I need have a way of finding me without my looking. As in: when a friend recently forwarded me your blog.

My story is one of complete destabilization in a very short period. Late last October I was at the top of my game at work (I work in media), living comfortably (but not passionately) with my longtime partner C and our greyhound, and ready to lose a little weight. I went to my gym and asked for a personal trainer.

The desk assistant suggested I work with B, and our first meeting was very positive. We knew we could work together, had a quick rapport, and it didn't hurt that I found him very handsome. But this was business - I was there to shape up and no more, so gave it little thought.

Five minutes into our first session he asked "So, do you have kids or a wife?" "No, sadly no kids," I said. "But I do have a partner." "Oh, so we're family," he shot back, "that's cool."

This began two or three weeks of serious flirting on his part. Of course, I flirted back, thinking in part 'Well, I guess this is what you do with a gay personal trainer,' but also enjoying the heat of it all. A safe heat, I thought. One Thursday he said "Hey, you seem like you're fun. We should hang out sometime." "You're right," I said, "I am fun. Let's do it." He gave me his number. I was surprised, but gave him my number in return, honestly thinking nothing would come of it.

What came Friday was a text. And a call. We agreed to meet next weekend to visit a friend's art opening. Lots of time in the car there and back, we talked. Mostly him, telling me nearly anything about his life. "You hungry?" he asked as we neared home. Dinner, a walk to his car, and a handshake ended the night.

Fast forward two more weeks and we're seriously dating. Kissing deep when and where we can, he talks freely of "...when you meet my brother..." or "...one of these days I'm going to kidnap you." It's hot and it's fast and it's passion, and it's all potential.

It's also a problem, for me and my partner C. Over 15 years C and I have knit our lives together in every manner...except one. "Bed death" a friend calls it. The physical desire we shared seems gone. And while it's more, B and I are now sharing the one thing I don't have anywhere else. I wonder if B is one of those things that I need that have just found me. I feel vital, and I feel guilty.

After the second date I broke down at the dinner table, confessing what was happening and my total confusion about it all. C smiled. "Any day you're not happy is a wasted day," he said as I sniffled. "You're the best boyfriend in the world." I laughed. Then: "you've got a voice inside you, and you've got to listen to it." It was not what I was expecting, but I took it as license to continue.

December brings more heated talk of sex between B and I, but often one or the other is away. His texts (I've saved the best ones) still make me dizzy.

During this time, my advocates at work are replaced with adversaries, and I rapidly go from being lead go-to guy to being largely put in a corner. This deflation of worth is only amplified by my partner and I having to handle a greyhound in fast decline. My pain at work is nothing compared to her growing discomfort, and eventually we realize, five days before Christmas, that we have to put her to sleep. (I'm told I write movingly about it at my private blog.)

Her end comes at what feels like the ending of a career and, maybe, even a partnership - but also soon on with a first night at B's. The first night of passion is followed the next night (New Year's Eve) by celebrating with his parents at their house - and another night together. Which is followed by a day and night at his brother's place watching movies, drinking beer...and another night of combustible sex. Friday morning he rolls over and says, "So, what's it like to be kidnapped?"

To be clear: it's not just the sex. Really. I've had sex with a few others while with C, and always for me it only means something if I have an emotional bond with my sex partner. Anonymous sex just ain't my bag. And B isn't anonymous; I know more about him in two months (it seems) than many of my friends for years. In this time, we are the definition of intense.

While it seems in early January that we're off to the races (I continue to see him, even now, as my trainer), as the month closes it's clear something is wrong. The night of Feb 2nd we talk on the phone.

"I don't want this to be a break-up call," B says. My brain freezes. The only thing I can hear now is
EAKUP. The conversation goes poorly, and we don't know where to end. He begs me to remain in some contact with him. "Even if it's just to train, I'll take any crumbs." Crumbs? You're the one breaking up with me - and breaking my heart in the process. I confess through tears that I love him; a four-letter word for B that I know will probably panic him. I say it anyway. I've meant to for a while.

The next day I call in sick, shattered. My role at work is shriveling; my beloved greyhound is dead. My understanding partner is much less so, angry with me and uncertain of what we will become. And now this sudden passion, this man my heart loves, is leaving. Believe it or not, I go to the gym at 3pm anyway for our session.

We ask how each other are. "OK," he says, "I didn't sleep too well. Probably deserve it." That's all we say on the matter. Later I text - we need some face time, I'm not sure what has happened. He agrees. "was good 2 c u" he texts. I cry again.

Over dinner a few days later we decide we didn't mean to break up, but that he needs time and space to work through lingering issues and hurts from one or two previous relationships. Ten years my junior (I'm 44) he says he doesn't know what love is, thinks he's done wrong by one of his formers, and needs to know that the next time he falls in love it will be forever. He asks me to be patient, knowing that it may take months for him to come back - if he comes back at all.

The past month has seen continued declining fortunes at work and continued uncertainty with my longtime partner - although with tensions considerably reduced. Interaction with B is limited near exclusively to the gym: we say we'll get together for a beer but don't.

I don't know which is worse: the fear that a primary life friendship with my partner C is just that, a friendship and not a romance, or hoping against fear that B and I may actually have a future despite signs that suggest otherwise. I do know that living with both unknowns is the most vulnerable, unsettled feeling I've ever experienced.

So this is why I needed to find your blog. I've known I'm not the only one with struggles like these, but never really got it until I spent time with your writing...and that of your readers. I don't feel any better, less lonely, or any different frankly. I do see, however, that I'm not so unique.

I'd ask your advice, but... Well, but nothing. I'll ask: do you have any thoughts for me?

After my first reading of this reader's exceptionally well written email I felt overwhelmed. Just like the poor guy himself, no doubt, because he's suddenly got so many difficult issues in his life. So I sent him an immediate reply, telling him that since it would be a few weeks until I'd be able to post his email, I thought he should get a counselor so that he could start work on everything immediately. Within a day I got his reply:

I'm a step ahead of you. Already have a counselor, a good one. And you're right, his services right now are essential. The other day, in fact, I was discussing with him having to stop, so I could save up cash for an expected move-out. "I can't let you do that," he said. "It would be unethical for me to let you go." So at least I've got that.

Thanks for providing the platform you do, and for your words of counsel. It's clear you're a good man, and I think your blog provides an important voice out there.

It strikes me that this reader has hit a classic mid-life crisis. There's nothing to be ashamed of there, it happens to lots of guys when the natural path from school to college to job and boyfriend peters out, and with potentially more than half one's life left the next step is unclear. Indeed, long time readers here will know that it happened to me too, in connection with ex-boyfriend S.

One puzzling thing here is the originally blasé attitude of C, his boyfriend of 15 years. I can't help wondering whether C is unhappy with their relationship, and might already be prepared to see it end, especially if he doesn't need to take the blame for it ending. Indeed, perhaps he's so relaxed about the situation because he has another lover? If nothing else, C's reaction proves that their current relationship has to change. Even if C doesn't mind having an open relationship with the reader, the possibility of a split after 15 years should have provoked a much stronger reaction. To put it another way, a relationship which can be dissolved so easily isn't much of a relationship anyway!

It's possible that work has turned slightly sour for the reader because of the problems in his personal life, which might be causing him to under-perform somehow. In many jobs, one's only as good as the last project that one worked on, so if a project is badly received by one's colleagues it can it can easily put one out of favour. Of course, work can have a detrimental effect on one's personal life too, but one's boyfriend, friends and family have to be more important than one's work, so my recommendation would be to come to some kind of resolution of those issues first before worrying about work. Indeed, the confidence which the reader should gain if he is able to resolve the issues in his personal life could well help him get back on top of his work again.

The "bed death" phrase is a good one and it's an unsatisfactory situation. If that happens to a couple of guys in a relationship, if their relationship is healthy they should eventually realise that they need to discuss it, and either try and re-invigorate their sex life, open up their relationship, or separate. So without that interaction between the reader and his boyfriend C, I reckon that something like the reader's current crisis was always going to happen eventually. In that sense, there's nothing special about the 'personal trainer' B, he just happens to be the guy that's triggered what would always have happened anyway.

I find it hard to tell from the reader's description of the break-up what B's intentions really were, but it doesn't sound like their relationship is going anywhere. From the reader's description of the current situation between him and B, I reckon that it'll be hard to re-ignite their combustible passion. Even so the reader has much to thank B for, because he's been the catalyst for the reader to realise that there are unspoken issues in his relationship with his boyfriend C that need to be resolved one way or the other. On top of that, B's also proved to the reader that he's still a very marketable commodity, should he need to find another boyfriend at some point.

So I reckon that the fundamental issue that needs focus is the reader's relationship with C. There are issues there that need to be resolved, one way or the other. Indeed, the resolution of the issues in his existing relationship should naturally point the way in terms of resolving all the other issues. And regarding B, it could well be that he won't be very important going forward.

Do any other readers have any thoughts in this situation.

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